I’m back! Did ya miss me? Well I definitely missed you guys. While I was away I did a good bit of writing and… You know what? I’ll get all lovey dovey tomorrow, in my Monday post. For now, here’s a little something that I came up with while I was away.
That’s right, ladies and… Ladies, I have been nominated for The Sex Blogger Award! The rules are simple: thank the person who nominated you, answer sex related questions, ask sex related questions, nominate others… Ok… I’m lying. I completely made this up. But really, how is this not a thing!? Honestly, I came across a couple of sex questions on a blogger’s page, googled a few more, added some of my own for effect, and slapped an award tag on it. Boom. Have I mentioned before that I’ve been undescribably horny lately? Well, I have… So, between that and my almost unhealthy need to tell you guys as much as possible about myself I came up with this. Enjoy another taste of the most embarrassing things that I am willing to publicly admit.
~ What is your best kept intimate secret?
Well it wouldn’t really be a secret if I put it here now would it!? I’m just
joking stalling, I can’t think of one to put here.
~ What’s your favourite sex position?
It depends on the partner… But even still, I like to change things up. I’ll LOVE cowgirl for a while and then all of the sudden I’ll prefer missionary, or doggy, or any number of the ones in my head that I don’t have a name for… And why the hell is there a U in favorite? This is America and we speak (and type) American damnit.
~ How many girls have you slept with?
Why are all of the other questions gender neutral aside from this one? This feels like a setup… More than I care to admit here. I probably should have just deleted this question all together. Oh well.
~ What was your first kiss like?
I don’t remember… I was pretty young… Next question.
~ Do you like using props in the bedroom?
Can we call them sex toys? Props sounds weird, really weird. But yea, I’m a fan of occasionally grabbing my girls’ toy and turning her orgasm up to 11.
~ Who is your favorite porn star?
If you dig through my blog you’ll find a picture of me and what used to be my favorite pornstar. She doesn’t do porn anymore, or at least I don’t think she does. Now, I don’t think that I have a favorite.
~ Are you a virgin?
~ What do you think is better: premarital sex or premarital abstinence?
For me, premarital sex. I understand people who prefer to wait. More power to them. That’s just not for me.
~ Are you into kinky sex?
Maybe… What do you consider “kinky”?
~ How old were you when you first had sex?
17… The week of my 18th birthday. For no other reason than the fact that a random girl was willing and I didn’t want to be an 18 year old virgin.
~ If you had the opportunity which celebrity would you sleep with? Why?
I only get to choose one? Hmm… Halle Berry, final answer.
~ What’s the best thing about sex for you?
I jumped around a lot answering these and I’m pretty sure that you’ll find the answer to this a little further down. If not, let me know in the comments.
~ Where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?
It’s 2018, is car sex all that taboo nowadays? Outside of that, I guess you’ll have to skip down a couple questions to find out.
~ What’s the most amount of times you’ve had sex in a day?
The most that I’ve ever counted? 9. However, I’m pretty sure that I blew that one out of the water (way out of the water) a while back, just didn’t think to keep track of how many.
~ Ever partaken in group sex?
Um, I’ve been in a situation (or two) where I was having sex in close proximity to other people who were also having sex, but there was no swapping going on. And, as far as I know, there were no lingering eyes either.
~ What’s your biggest fetish?
I don’t know that I would consider it a “fetish” but my biggest fantasy is pretending to be strangers and meeting and picking up my girlfriend/fiance/wife (probably would have just been easier to say “my girl”… Oh well, you get what you get) in a bar or somewhere public… I didn’t answer that question did I? Um… I like a bit of pain with my pleasure, I’ll leave it at that.
~ Have you ever recorded yourself having sex?
I’m not sure how much detail to get into on this one. Yes, It only happened once, and was with someone that I was in a long term relationship with… Not that I really feel like this should need an explanation, I’d definitely do it again. But only in a serious relationship.
~ What is a big no no in sex for you?
I don’t NEED any specific sex act. There are things that I like in the bedroom, yes, but do you know what’s worse than going without? Receiving from a reluctant and/or unenthused partner. That’s my no no, if you don’t enjoy it please don’t just do it for me. As sweet as you think it is, it’s not.
~ What are you good at sexually?
Um… I could raddle off the list of specific things that I’ve been told that I was good at but between flat out lies and varying preferences I think that might not be the best way to answer this one. So outside of specific sex act, I’ve been told that I’m not too shabby at listening/ paying attention and making adjustments.
~ Do you enjoy giving and receiving oral?
I feel like the only man in the world who hasn’t cum from getting head. It sucks… It still feels good, but after finding out about this little mental block woman make it their duty to fix it (cool) and then give up rather quickly (not cool), as in generally after less than a handful of tries (so not cool), which generally last for less than a handful of minutes (really not cool), and end up upset with me for not being able to finish (the uncoolest). Wow, that was long! So, yes, I enjoy receiving, but not in place of sex, and not if you’re doing it to to get a prize at the end (damn, that sounds horrible… It stays).
As for giving… I LOVE cunnilingus! Not an exaggeration, I fucking love it. To me, it’s extremely intimate, which of course adds to my love for it… Which of course means that I refuse to do it outside of a relationship. Oh let me tell you how much women enjoy hearing that one. Scale from 1-10, I’d say it’s probably somewhere around a “you’re better off just lying to her and telling her that you don’t enjoy doing it..m but if you’re dumb enough to tell the truth (like myself) you’re looking at a 0.
~ Do you believe in being sexually open?
Open how? My friends have kinda pegged me (PHRASING, damnit) as a Monogamous Man Whore. When I’m single, I’m single, and I like to do single things (I just had déjà vu while writing this… It’s so weird when that happens). When I’m in a relationship I don’t like to share, nor do I want to be shared, but I do believe in having an open mind for new ideas.
~ And finally, is sex overrated?
Nope, you’re just doing it wrong… And probably for the wrong reasons… And most likely with the wrong person/people.
~ What’s the dirtiest fantasy you’ve had at work?
What are we classifying as dirty here? I like BDSM, but I don’t consider that “dirty”. Hmm… I have a work car, and to be honest I never thought about it prior to an ex mentioning it, but (if I somehow won the lottery and didn’t care about my job or reputation) I’d love to have my wife come and meet me for a nooner… I don’t know why, but wife sounds so much better there than a girlfriend or a fling.
~ Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew?
Yep… Not a proud moment for me… Ok, “moments” (only two), not “moment”… Annddd that’s all that I’m going to say about that one. “Those ones”, damnit, next question!
~ How many sex partners have you had?
Woah, these are escalating… Did it get hot in here or is that just me? And did this one come up before? Full disclosure, I had forgotten and had to make a list (and check it twice), it’s not an insane number, I’ve just had multiple less than memorable encounter.
~ Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers?
Oh this is a good one. The simple answer is “yes, of course… I had some hot teachers”. Additionally, I’ve dated a couple of teachers, and I’ve definitely imagined what it would be like to be in their class and have to stay after for some extracurricular activities.
~ Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks?
All the time! I don’t even know who you are and I’m imagining you naked right now… You dirty dirty reader you *low growl*… I told you not to read this, you have no one to blame but yourself.
~ And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them?
I’d say that I imagine having sex with 99% of the women that I mentally strip.
~ What inspires you to make the first move?
I don’t. Ok, VERY rarely will I actually make the first move. I know, I know, this goes against every cliché Man thing out there. I don’t care. On the off chance that I do it’s because I see an opening, a big opening, which kinda sorta means that she bated me into making the first move… Which would still be her actually making the first move. Right?
~ In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed?
Attentive. I LOVE figuring out what my woman wants. It’s even better when we discover something new together. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Being in a relationship where you both eagerly take responsibility for your partner’s pleasure.
~ What kind of porn turns you on?
I don’t know if I can really narrow it down. I like to switch it up. But lately, I’ve been on a Fake Taxi kick for a while.
~ Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?
No… Because I’m not a freaking weirdo. I have an ex who did this. Every. Single. Time. I would literally have to stop moving in order for her to open her eyes. Eye contact is sexy. You ever “soul gaze”? You ever soul gaze during sex? You ever soul gaze during sex as you’re both about to climax at the same time? No? Then open your fucking eyes. Just don’t stare, don’t make it weird, weirdo.
~ What’s the dirtiest thing someone’s ever said to you during sex?
As an anal amateur I’m still not sure how to bring it up during sex. Last time I did, I mentioned stopping so that I could grab the lube and she responded with “just keep fucking me, just like that. I’m almost so wet that we won’t even need it”… I didn’t last long enough to even think about anal after that point.
~ What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you while hooking up?
You know that sexy ‘carry her across the threshold’ cliche? It’s actually pretty sexy in real life… Except for when the guy that you’re with bounces your head off of the door jamb and you wake up with a knot on your head the next morning… Needless to say, she didn’t talk to me for a while after that.
~ Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?
Not particularly, but I love having them do it in front of me and have no problem doing it for them if/when asked.
~ What’s the dirtiest text you’ve ever sent or received?
I keep coming up with brilliant answers for these things and then realizing that it says “dirtiest”, not “sexiest”. Um… Dirtiest? I’d say (because of the context and our connection… More the latter than the former) “promise?”
No, as this is not a real award I’m not actually going to nominate anyone, but I’d love it if some of you would go ahead and embarrass yourselves alongside me by answering some of these questions.
Until next time, be sexy.
P.S. I don’t have any pictures of myself that I would consider to be sexy by any means let alone sexy enough for a post like this. This is as good as it gets I guess. Funny, me taking this test and filling out the questions in this post around the same time had nothing at all to do with one another… At some point I’m going to have to address some of these results, I don’t really agree with all of them.