F Is For…

First Time

No one tells you what it’s really like. You know, “the afterwards”. Trust me, I’ve done my fair share of research. Porn is really good at showing you the act, maybe even the build up, but not what happens next. Aside of course from the post-sex sex, it does show that on occasion, but nothing after.
Everything was great until, until it ended. I couldn’t make it home last night so I phoned a friend who was working out of town. Her house is less than a block away from the bar, so I could make the trek in the drunkest of stupors. She called her roommate, they said that I could crash at their house, so I went there and passed out on my friends bed. A couple hours later I woke up to find the roommate on top of me, tearing my clothes off. Since she’s the roommate of one of my best friends we’ve gotten some face time here and there over the past couple of weeks. I THINK that there has been an unspoken “thing” between us, but last time we hung out I randomly mentioned that I was a virgin in general conversation, as one does, and it seemed like her mood towards me took an abrupt change.
Now I’m sitting here with… Well, to be honest, at this point attempting to remember her name would be insulting to both her and I… Anyhoo, we’re spooning which is good because as far as I know she could be asleep right now. On the other hand, what if she’s awake?
She wanted this. I’m not imagining that, I woke up with her on top of me, but why now do I have the feeling that I somehow took advantage of her?
Am I supposed to say something? Am I supposed to do something? I’m not even sure if I’m actually supposed to be spooning her right now. She just turned on to her side when we were done. What the hell does this mean!?
She… She probably didn’t enjoy it. That’s it. She’s regretting it, and replaying it all in her head. I should leave.
But, I didn’t do anything wrong, did I? She said that she enjoyed it, over and over again. I mean OVER and OVER again, she expressed how much she was enjoying the moment. So, what the hell is this then!?
Oh… I see now, she actually is asleep, with a bit of a smile on her face. How cute! I definitely built this whole thing into something that it shouldn’t be. This is kind of embarrassing. Luckily she wasn’t awake to witness my freak-out. Or maybe she was…
And even if she wasn’t, when she wakes up she’ll probably be able to tell that something is wrong. I mean, that something might be wrong. I don’t know. Is something wrong? Fuck this, I’m going to go home, hopefully this isn’t awkward next time we see each other.