Largest reindeer fighting ring this side of the equator, busted!
A multinational sting has freed more than 1000 fight-deer from the Geographical North Pole. The eleven and a half month long under cover operation ended 9 O’clock this morning with the arrest of 23 Elves and Whos with ties to the ring. At this time authorities have not released the names of those apprehended, nor have they released the names of those they have yet to arrest. With the exception of one. Suspected “Rein-Ring” ring leader, Grinch.
Some of those internet shoppers looking for ugly Christmas sweaters, tensile balls, and singing vibrators to rock around the Christmas tree and/or surprise their significant others with may have noticed an error message when searching their favorite site this morning. The ever so popular naughty Christmas gift company “Grrr Inches” went offline shortly before the company’s CEO, Grinch, was taken into custody. In it’s infancy, Grr Inches doubled as a money laundering front for Rein, the reindeer fighting ring. With Grinch being the head owner-operator of both.
This Kaffeklubben Island resident, by way of Whoville, initially used Grr Inches to circumvent the law, likely not expecting for it to become as popular as it did. It is currently unclear as to how much of the company’s profit was and still is it’s own. Now, the “Toys r Us for those who grew up” site may have to close the doors of it’s more than 70 locations around the world.
Typically, especially this time of year, the stories coming out of the north revolve around the building, packaging, and scheduling of Christmas toys and deliveries. The extreme climate of this shifting sea of ice, which is the geographical north pole, along with it’s remote location made this investigation incredibly difficult. The joint task force reportedly used Canadian Forces Station Alert, the globes northmost military base, as their base of operations.
When this story broke we reached out to both Krampus and Mrs. Claus, ex college roommates and sorority sisters of Grinch, for comment. At this time, they have yet to respond.
Next up, Santa to start at the bottom of the world this year, making her first delivery of presents in Antartica. Find out who the lucky first recipient is, after this break.
Alphonso Francis White 