Let me tell you about my morning. It started at the bar. A group of friends and I were having brunch (I guess), and I was giving our server, Jacqueline, googlie eyes. She was a nurse, serving part time. Our banter somehow turned into Jacqueline giving me some sort of on-the-spot physical. Then, she went from serving us to taking the stage and doing a stand-up routine. A real Jac Of All Trades!
Our section was way in the back. There were more friends coming in, on top of other bar-goers. I found myself making multiple trips to the bar, greeting/meeting people, and helping to set up more tables so, I wasn’t able to pay attention to her routine.
The results from that test came back, I needed amonium ASAP, to the point that I was basically tackled (by Jac) and had it shoved down my throat because my “heart was dying”. Almost immediately after that, I continued flirting with my server-turned-nurse and made some witty (cliché) remark about taking her out on a date. And to my surprise, she said that she would love to. Still straddling me, and monitoring my vitals, we began discussing what we’re looking for in a relationship. It all clicked. I powered through the usual nervousness I have in these first/pre date moments. It was… Sympatico.
I started running my hands up and down her sides. As I gained the confidence to lean in for a kiss, (I could see her leaning too) I said “this is going to be great” – Those words, out loud, in real life, with my actual mouthpiece – Instantly waking me out of the dream that I didn’t realize I was in and revealing that instead of a hot nurse in my lap I actually had a rifle. Instead of lying down on a bar floor, I’m sit/lying down inside my HMMWV. Instead of it being bright and sunny, it’s DARK and rainy. I started writing this down as soon as I woke up and presently, as I write this, it is 0449. 0449 on a morning where reville is at 0530, my alarm is set for 0515, and I’m likely in too uncomfortable of a position to possibly fall back to asleep. It’s funny how not being in a relationship forces you to think about (and apparently dream about) your ideal relationship.
For me, communication is the single most important part of a relationship. How you communicate, how openly, how effectively, how often, how honestly, just ‘how’ overall. And ‘what’. What do you talk about? And since technology is so important I guess this also includes the question “what platform do you use to communicate?”
Whenever I’m asked about my hopes and dreams for what a relationship could be there is a specific conversation between my grandparents and myself that immediately comes to mind. Some years ago, I was hanging out over my Grandparent’s house. My grandmother was in the kitchen and my grandfather and I were on the porch when he randomly asked me if I would like a beer. I declined. He then asked if I would go and get one for him.
Yes, I was an adult, damn near 30, but for some reason I had never had a drink around my grandparents before that point. A fact that I didn’t think about until this point. I went rummaging through the fridge, my grandma asked what I was looking for, and I replied (semi-nervously) with “beer”. Without missing a beat, she said that they were in the garage, so that’s where I went. I found them right away, grabbed one, and returned to the house, back through the kitchen, passing Gram. You can’t see the porch from the kitchen, but in that moment Gram must’ve saw through the walls.
I offered the beer to Pop, and as he grabbed it, in that moment where both of our hands were still on it, Gram called from the kitchen “Walter, that beer better not be for you.”
He replied, “It’s for Al, calm down.”
And she repeated herself, “don’t tell me to calm down. Walter Lee, that beer BETTER not be for you!”
So, he put his foot down, “I bought the beer, if I want to have one with my grandson I’mma drink it!”
She ended the conversation with a “mmhmmm”.
Pops sat the beer down between us, gestured towards it, and asked me again if I’d like one. Again, I declined with a “nope, that’s yours.” He turned his eyes towards the TV, and in a tone that was obviously meant moreso to convince himself than anyone else, he said “I’m ok”. And that beer sat there. Untouched. For hours!
That. That boisterous back and forth display of caring, and power, and humor, and ultimately love. That is what I want.
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Until next time, when it comes to power and love in a relationship, both parties should attempt to give more than they receive.
Alphonso Francis White 