I am NOT sorry

Funny story, I made a Resolution post a couple of years ago where I basically denounced New Year’s Resolutions, and all resolutions for that matter. Since then, I have made a Birthday Resolution, every year. This year, I made two. The first of which being to ‘stop saying you’re “sorry”‘.

Growing up, my mom would constantly remind me to say that ‘I apologize’ instead of being ‘sorry’. Honestly, I got it. But at the time it still felt more annoying than informative. It really did. That is, until recent years, when I’ve noticed a trend of my empathetic ‘I’m sorry’ being confused with an apology.

To me, it could be used to convey so many different feelings. But when I used it, people would often respond as if I was attempting to take blame for something, and offer an ‘it’s not your fault’. Yeah, I KNOW it’s not my fault, I’m just trying to express that I feel for you. Obviously it didn’t work.

So, on my birthday last year, I made a promise with myself to make an honest effort in reserving the word “sorry” for actual apologies. With that, even in apologies, I would make more of an effort to say that I apologize instead. And up until recently, I was really good at it. To the point where it surprised me how quickly I fell into the habit of not using that word.

I’m not saying that it was easy. It still takes me a little bit to figure out how to properly express my empathy. But, I had done it. And I was doing so well with it that when I said “sorry” last week it shocked me. I was talking to someone about the loss of their father, which must’ve triggered something in me, and the word practically spoke itself out of my mouth. I had no control over it. And it happened again. And again. And again. Every conversation involving grief, my mind went straight to ‘sorry’.

Why is that? And how do I stop that. I feel like I should apologize for the randomness of this post, and the fact that it is both too long and not long enough to fully flush out what thinking here. But hey, what can I say?

~

Until next time, don’t be sorry.

P.S. Yeah… About this one… I couldn’t think of a good “sorry” picture, so I went through the archives, looking for a funny birthday related picture. Apparently, a couple of years ago, on my Birthday, this woman chose to reach out to me and compliment me on my dating profile. Then, after not getting a response, likely because I was busy with Birthday activities, she doubled back and scolded me for mentioning Laura Clery’s Helen in my profile. The comment was something along the lines of “please feel free to use your best Laura Clery’s Helen pickup line”… Ladies, I still stand by this. Give me your best/worst. Not sorry.

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