Fall

Depression, is like… Imagine falling down a bottomless pit. Now of course, you don’t know that it’s bottomless when you’re in it, just that you’re falling, and have been falling for some time.

In that pit… There are moments when you’re frantic, not sure what to do but desperately needing an out, almost certain that the end is near. And there are moments of complete calm, where you just accept your fate, sometimes so relaxed that you almost forget the fact that you’re falling.

In those moments… The emotions aren’t necessarily connected. The times that one feeling lasts has nothing to do with another. At times you can will yourself from one mindset to another, other times you’re just along for the ride.

How you feel… It just is what it is. And the secret is that you long for the chaos just as much as you shy away from the stillness. The fact of the matter is that the flood of emotions is a welcomed reprieve from the numbness, and vice versa.

All that matters… Are the walls, that you can’t see but can sense them closing in. You catch yourself. You climb. But the chip that you’re holding onto is actually falling with you…

Depression is like, living in that impossibly bottomless pit. In that pit, where instead of passing the time you find yourself hopelessly falling from one moment to the next. In those moments, when you’re so overwhelmed with emotion that you feel nothing at all. And how you feel, doesn’t matter. All that matters, is the fall.