Date Rape

I remember trying to decipher the code on the clock on the wall. My ex, Jordan, had left the previous morning and apparently changed our digital clocks to military time on the way out. A nice little goodbye slap in the face.

0027, I don’t even know what that means. Midnight, midnight-30? That sounds right, I guess. 12:27 at night, er morning, or whatever, I wake up to find my leg in Chris’s hand. Alex grabbed the other. Together they flipped me over with the same ease that you would a piece of paper. This is the point in which I guess I blacked out.

It was a year ago today and I can’t be 100% sure, but I believe that today I remember just as much, or should I say “as little”, as I did the morning after. Bits and pieces, a few seconds here, a flash there. I remember being flipped by those two, onto my belly, like a burger on a grill. I don’t remember what hurt more…my hands, from squeezing a dent into that bed frame? My jaw, from digging my teeth into that pillow? My eyes, from fighting back those tears? Or my ass and back, from that hand, belt, and electrical cord lashing? I don’t know. I just remember the pain. At some point, they flipped me back over.

0039 – The two that I had expected to see are now five. I guess Alex and Chris had called in for reinforcements. Masquerade masks partially covering their faces, but their birthmarks, scars, piercings, and tattoos are unmistakably recognizable.

Those assholes!

0041 – Clavicle birthmark in the shape of a foot, Jordan. Gauged ears, just big enough to fit the butt of a cigarette, Chris. Vitiligo blotched hands and arms, Quinn. Tribal chest tattoo, Adrian. Third nipple, left side of the chest, Alex. The gang’s all here, all of my dating demons. Demons that I didn’t even know that I had.

Quinn was the first real date that I had as an adult. Dinner and a movie, just like in high school. Only this time instead of feeling each other up, my date was feeling me down. We didn’t even make it through the opening credits and Quinn’s hand was already loosening my belt.

0050 – That hand, the one that I slapped away on our date years ago, apparently had unfinished business and was currently working its way down my torso. My belly trembling under those fingers.

Adrian and I were neighbors. We went out for lunch once, I drove, the date honestly was just ok. I parked my car in front of our apartment building and all of the sudden Adrian’s shirt was off and wrapped around me, pulling me in for a kiss. Shocked and discombobulated, I turned and offered my cheek. Adrian responded by calling me a bitch, slamming my door shut, and running inside, shirt in hand… In the middle of the day. We lived in a high rise – there’s no telling how many of our neighbors saw that enraged walk of shame.

0104 – This is the first time that we have seen each other since I’ve moved and of course Adrian just has to be shirtless. I guess the shirt makes a better gag than a garment. Between these assholes tossing me around and me trying (unsuccessfully) to tongue it out of my mouth, a piece of the shirt folds over my eye. It was that same ugly fucking Hawaiian button-up from our date. Karma, that witty bitch. Adrian and Chris are fighting over position, top or bottom. I can’t tell who “won”, all I know is my big toe is currently entering Adrian’s mouth.

Jordan, the Marine. I remember being in awe of the fact that a soldier was dating me…And getting pissed off when I would get corrected, “I’m a Marine, not a Soldier. They’re in the Army, there’s a difference”. The last time that we had that conversation was the last conversation I thought we would ever have. It turned into an argument that we had to cut short since I had to leave our place to go to work. We didn’t talk all day. And I ended up coming home to an empty house, no Jordan.

0105 – Jordan and Chris are playing musical chairs now, circling around my body, looking for a spot to jump in. I hadn’t seen or heard from Jordan all day until now. And even now, no words, just grunts, as Jordan takes an eerily familiar position on top of me. So hard, so wet. Sex between us had never felt this good. Sex between us had never felt so bad. Apparently, ‘gang rape’ was what our relationship had been missing. “You still love me, I know you do”, the words hurt as they entered my ear. I could literally feel each syllable bounce its way down my eardrum.

0106 – Jordan finished, quick as always, and tagged Quinn in for sloppy seconds, like it was some kind of fucking tag-team wrestling match. Quinn’s hands are all over, hell, Quinn is all over me! Now it’s happening, it’s official, I am being raped. These fucks are all cheering each other on.

0107 – I close my eyes with Quinn on top of me and open them to find Adrian. Face to face, belly to belly, crotch to… Ass. No lube, no asking, no warning, just straight in. “Ahh”, the pain. I can’t hold back my tears, not anymore. And these jerks are fucking joking about using my tears as lube. “I hate all of you.”

Chris was a smoker. I didn’t know this at the time that we went out. We met online, the profile and follow-on conversations checked out, so I may have rushed our meeting a bit. Educated, single parent with similar hobbies, nothing about smoking. We met at a vegan restaurant, yea, I know, a vegan smoker… After dinner, Chris lit a cigarette and blew the fucking smoke in my face like some kind of flirtatious joke. I faked an emergency phone call and left. No big deal.

0115 – And as karma would have it Chris is currently hovering over me, swiping strike-anywhere matches on my forehead, with a cigarette shoved into each one of those disgusting ear gauges. And as I turn my head to avoid the next match I see Alex. Alex!? Why the hell was Alex here? What kind of karma is this?

My first one night stand. It was dumb, I know, but I honestly thought that Alex was one of the good ones. We met at a bar, went back to my place, things escalated, and I woke up to an empty bed. Well, empty aside from the twenty dollar bill with a phone number and “call me” written on it. I cried to a couple of my girlfriends about it. Word got back to Alex, I guess, but so what? I didn’t do anything wrong. The grapevine that my complaint started somehow made it to Alex’s girlfriend as well. That part I kind of feel bad about… Kinda…I thought that we were two single people having a night of fun. That girlfriend, whoever she is, and I were both lied to. Again, I did nothing wrong here.

0132 – These creeps, why are any of them here!? Why are they doing this to me? Alex is taking a turn now. Every inch of my body has been fucked and beaten raw, what more can they do? Alex pulls my hair and screams at me “Give it to me, CUM FOR ME”, stretching my nipples, slapping me in the face. I can’t get away. The others are holding me down, each only using one hand while touching themselves with the other. I can’t. I’m losing it. I’m losing control…

Pain is a crazy thing. I was in so much pain that night that it ended up making me cum… The most intense orgasm that I have ever had. You see, when you are in pain your body produces dopamine…. The same chemical that is responsible for bringing you pleasure. I have never felt better…I have never felt worse…

0700 – I reach for my alarm and end up knocking it off of the nightstand. My head hurts so much. My entire body hurts. Hands duct-taped together, shirt tied around my head, pants draped over my lampshade, and a dildo shoved halfway up my ass. Is…is that my blood on the bed? It’s soaked! What the fuck happened last night!?

0713 – This shower stings! Water diving into every cut, running over every bruise, my flesh is littered with pain. How the hell did… Shit… It’s coming back to me. Those girls rode my dick, beat the shit out of me, and just overall violated me like there was no tomorrow.

Thank you Jan for letting me use this amazing picture!