Open Letter To My Future Wife #2

Good morning Dear,

Before we say “I do” I need to tell you that… I want a divorce.

Before you fill my head with the meaningless lies the I somehow convince myself you tell to everyone else aside for me.

I want a divorce.

Before I start to feel at home with and even fall in love with your family.

I want a divorce.

Before I have to bite my tongue instead of just coming out and explaining that I like your acquaintances more than I do your close friends.

I want a divorce.

Before we even get married and start down this path of your I Do’s turning into I Don’t’s.

I want a divorce.

Before the first time that I hear you refer to our son as “your son“, and you mean it.

I want a divorce.

Before I have to turn down an innocent lunch with the platonic friend I should have married while you’re pulling Mr. MyManWorksLateOnThursdays into our bedroom.

I want a divorce.

Before I have to concentrate on the thought of how they used to look on you so I can confidently say to your face that “you look amazing in those jeans.”

I want a divorce.

Before I have to listen to you ridicule me for getting back into shape and wasting money on yet another marathon as I roll up your shirt to give you your insulin shot.

I want a divorce.

Before I end up giving the best years of my life to you which in your mind is fair because you’ll give it back to me in your golden years.

I want a divorce.

Before you and your friends plan how you’re going to spend my retirement money on your vacation.

I want a divorce.

Before I put more unappreciated work into your birthday dinner than you’ve put into our entire relationship.

I want a divorce.

Before I have to listen to you blame yourself when I fail to stand at attention after you’ve undressed.

I want a divorce.

Before I stumble, in pain, trying to physically lean on you, the way that you’ve emotionally leaned on me.

I want a divorce.

Before you break my heartI, want a divorce.