Big Business

There’s really no good way to start this, so we’re just going to dive in and hope for the best (phrasing). We haven’t really talked in a while, and it’s been even longer since we’ve talked about sex… And I’m pretty sure that I haven’t posted a sex rant… Until now… I’m tired of these “funny” small dick memes.

I’m not “big”, but I think it’s fair to say that my ‘business’ is somewhere on the good side of average. Now, I’m basing the “average” on what little I have seen in person and the numbers that my friends have claimed (which, of course may or may not have been inflated (PHRASING)). If I were to go off of the “global average” (5.1 inches as of 2018), which I’m like 90% sure is a complete joke, I’d rank laughably well above average. And if I went by what I’ve seen in pornos, I’d come in somewhere between average and a little less than average. Ok, that’s a lie, full disclosure, when compared to porn stars, I’m below average. I’m not even going to try to church it up, those guys are aliens or… I’m getting off track… My point is that even with my average sized man-meat I find it hard (giggity) to have sex, in certain positions. Sometimes, depending on the woman, it’s hard (giggity giggity) in any and every position. It’s a freaking problem!

I don’t understand how people (both men and women) can make such a huge deal about size when in all actuality you guys can’t handle the size that you say you want. Well, I have to throw a caveat in here. Many moons ago I dated a girl, who I promptly (and properly) nicknamed “Shallow”, who had the female equivalent of a chode. Shallow had a small handful of available depth, a bucket load of width, and she liked it rough. It was like ramming my head (yes, that head) into a brick wall, over and over and over again. If it were possible for Gaston to get a concussion she would have been the reason for it. For her, I guess size really doesn’t matter all that much.

But for the rest of you, what the hell? I come into the bedroom slinging Average Joe, your eyes light up like it’s Christmas morning, but you’re only able to take half of the gifts (that sounded SO cocky (seriously, are we not saying “phrasing” anymore?))! I don’t think you understand how incredibly weird it is for a guy to see the pain on your face, hear it in your voice, and get questioned about why he either backs off, has a concerned look on his face, or both.

Now, I’m not under the misconception that the size of the woman’s parts is based on the number of man-parts she’s experienced. Still, I’d prefer not to be able to describe the girl that I’m with as “loose”. At the same time, it is possible to be too tight and/or shallow. I get that things expand and contract based on comfort level and excitement, and I get that a little pain with pleasure can in turn bring more pleasure. But c’mon. Let’s work through this, together. If you’re not ready for the full length or girth, don’t ask for it.

I’m tired of getting excited about the position change only to find that we’re only going to do half-pumps in this position. Think of the various inches as close friends, maybe even a family fraternity; if all of them aren’t invited to the party none of them are going to have as much fun as they could should. Ask demand that the guy either tries a different position, does some foreplay (or duringplay) to loosen things up, or both. Please, stop getting into positions that you aren’t ready for and suffering through it. TRUST ME it’s better when you’re both comfortable.

Also, know your limits! Don’t try to squeeze that decked out lifted hummer limo into your two car garage. Holy hell, I bounced around a good bit in this post. I’m not even sure if I actually got my point across here, I just really needed to rant. I’ll stop.


Until next time, size matters.

Thank you Michelle for letting me use this picture for this post. It fits perfectly (no pun intended)!

P.S. No pun intended, but c’mon, you have to admit that was a good one… Right?

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