Captain’s Log 7

I just now realized that I should probably add a little bit of context to these Captain’s Logs, for those of you who haven’t been following them since they first started. So, this is not a normal post. It’s basically just a journal. When events happen that are significant enough to blog about but not enough for their own post they end up here. I’ll write a line or two about a thought that I had, then I’ll move on. And I’ll keep doing this over the course of a couple weeks, until I end up somewhere around a post’s worth of words, then I’ll publish it. Enjoy.

It’s such a weird feeling when someone tells you that they’ve read your blog. It’s an even weirder feeling when they don’t say anything after that. Um… Did you like it? Hate it? Wanna hit me in the face because I said something that you didn’t like?

Did it make you feel or think anything at all!? Nothing will upset me faster than claiming that I am upset when I am not. How about you ask instead. And then it might help to believe me after you ask. I’m obviously not nearly as funny as I think I am. Did I mention that I’m going to attempt a 50k at the end of the year?

And I just realized that since I mentioned Write Club in my post I’ll have to wait to put out the 6th Captain’s Log. So, I guess we’re not talking now? Why can’t ok just mean ok anymore? I don’t know what you want from me. It really seems like you’re looking for someone other than me. I’m gonna try something, when someone tells me how I feel or what I think instead of asking me I’m going to go ahead and agree with them.

I promise that I’m not as big of an asshole as you have me built up to be in your mind, but if that’s what you want/think ok. What is it about a freshly cleaned bathroom that makes you instantly have to poo? And the bowl just sang “hello Tip my old friend. It’s nice to dirty you again.” Oh, my train was derailed… Nice.

I’m about to sound like an asshole… I just saw a car teetering over a curb and thought “probably a woman”, low and behold, it was. I need to get laid. There’s a difference between being wanted and needed. I need to be wanted. I really need to learn how to cook Chinese food. EVERYTHING I order takes 10 minutes.

I don’t want to sound like a sore loser or anything, but I am a little upset that I didn’t make it into the slushpool. I mean, yes, my submission was one that I wasn’t thrilled with, but did you read the ones that made it? C’mon. Ok. Whoosah. I’m done.

Good for those guys, and good luck to them. A girl just asked to meet me, after exchanging 7 messages… How does this happen? Gotta love double standards. I just realized that I have been thinking about tonight’s dinner so much that I’ve forgotten to eat today. I hate when that happens.

An hour and a half until dinner, what to do …. I’ve got this random lady who keeps calling and leaving voicemails for someone else, some of these are hilarious. What is up with this silent treatment crap? Maybe she’s waiting on a message from me… Nope, I sent one. I guess she just needs space. Or doesn’t want to talk at all. I hate not being in a relationship and dealing with relationship crap.

I feel like a teenager playing games. I hate games. It really sounds like I can’t express my feelings. I need a mother fucking beer! It’s crazy how much healing a simple “I love you too” from Noodle gives.

Although… When I brought up hockey he sounded… Off… Like he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. It’s always weird to me when I see a guy and a girl in a car together, and she goes into the store while he stays in the car. Not as weird as when I watch guys not even attempt to hold or open the door for their woman, but still.

Five more Sergeants just checked out of my old unit… What the hell is going on over there!? Just had a startling epiphany… After you go to the bathroom, when you’re fixing your clothes, before going out of the stall, and washing your hands… You’re rubbing poop-particled fingers on your clothes… Let that sink in for a moment.

I SERIOUSLY need to get laid. I’m meeting up with a friend this weekend, a platonic one, and all I can think is “I hope that she wears something sexy”. Not that I’m interested in a relationship or even anything sexual with her (mostly because she’s already turned me down), I just really need some cleavage in my life right now. It doesn’t make it any better that she’s recently randomly upgraded our mostly gif and meme filled texts ftom G-rated to R-rated… Did I mention that I miss sex? Would it be weird if I asked her to wear something sexy?

Yea, you’re probably right. I’m going to do it anyway and see how she takes it. I kid, I kid! I’m not THAT bad, she’s just a friend, I wouldn’t cross that line.

Until next time, drive woman!