Let me tell you about the time that I threw Rule #2 out the window. A while back the buddy system screwed me out of a promotion at work. And in typical fashion the guy who got the job royally sucked, as a person and a boss. He and I only had two interactions before he got fired. The first was a phone conversation that’ll probably end up in a post later on down the road. The second was short and sweet, and since I just retold this story yesterday it obviously needs to be put on paper (er, interweb) today.
I really could not stand this guy. You’ve been there before, I’m sure. From the fact that he got the job that I really didn’t want but applied for anyway, to the stories that I’d heard about him, to the way that our first interaction went. Now, our second meeting was in person less than a month after the phone call.
I went into the office to drop off/pick up some paperwork and Army (yep, well call him that) pranced into the office behind me. He gave me a cocky “who are you?” Um… You’re now my boss… We’ve spoken on the phone… My name is on the papers that you watched me put down and are currently picking up… You know who I am. But, I kept it together, even though I swore up and down after our phone conversation that whenever I saw him I was going to punch him in the face. I just simply replied with “White”.
Army- “White? Hmm”
Me- “Yea, we actually spoke on the phone either last week or the week before. I called about Army2 (another blog-worthy ex-coworker… We’ll get there).”
Army- “Oh, White. I remember.”
Army- “Wait… Marines right?”
Army- *Pulling his waistband over his belly* “Yea, I was in the Army.”
Army- *Chuckle* “I actually thought about joining the Marines, but I wanted a better quality of living while I was in.”
Me- “Well, I thought about joining the Army… But I wanted bragging rights.”
End of conver-freaking-sation! I really don’t know if I’ve ever had a better Mic-Drop than this one. You ever watch the emotion leave someone’s face? You ever watch the emotion leave someone’s face after you put them in their place? You ever watch the emotion leave someone’s face after you put them in their place and catch the moment when that ‘please say something to make it better’ twinkle dwindles in their eye? I left that office with a Semi, and he was fired a couple months later for putting his business where it didn’t belong.
Ok… Please don’t take this the wrong way. This whole thing was about how much I couldn’t stand Army, not the Army. I have friends who are in the Army, heck, my Mom was even a soldier. A BAMF one at that. She went through Basic at 32 (I think) and ranked top of her class. Now I’m gonna get on my high horse for a second here. My 32 year old Mother went through Army Basic Training with shin splints so bad that she could barely walk at her graduation and still ran circles around some of the guys she was with. Yes, she was/is a BAMF, but she wasn’t/isn’t a 3 mile run in under 31 minutes and 30 seconds, 60 crunches in under two minutes, 1 full extension pull-up (todays PFT minimum for 32 year old Female Marines) kinda BAMF… AND NEITHER WAS ARMY.
Until Next Time, Go Army.
P.S. I don’t think a cockier picture of me exists. It’s a mustache in full bloom, half exposed HAF tat, Fitbit locked and cocked, tight sleeved in Desert Camis, Medal Monday, Drill selfie that I took when I went to my unit the day after running a 10 miler in order to upgrade my Wrecker license. The only thing that could make this better is if I was also hoisting Noodle up one handed, over a mound of our collective ribbons, medals, and awards, Rafiki style, while he’s wearing an Eagles jersey and HIS Spartan Race medal.
P.S.S. I firmly believe that no grown man should use excessive amounts of emojis. “Excessive” meaning like three in any given day. It took me two days to write this so yes, I stuck to my limit, kinda… Bottom line, do not get used to seeing smiley, frowny, or whatever faces on this blog.