Captain’s Log: Part Deux

If you disliked the first one you’re going to HATE this one. Sorry, not sorry.

~

Go Navy! Beat Army! I really want some Cracker Barrel. This is exactly why I’ve been single for this long. Well, not really, but this is definitely a big reason why I’m not in a rush to jump into a new relationship. Why has my skin been so dry lately?

I’m coming pretty close to breaking skin here, maybe it’s a rash… I haven’t had a rash in years. I’m gonna have to call my mom, like a kid, and ask about this one. Well, I just got put in my place. Again. #ForeverAlone.

Noodle just gave me the go-ahead to bring my mustache back… It. Is. Decided! Just told my Marines that I’ll be checking out of the unit next month. They looked like I just told them “your mom and I are getting a divorce”.

And I just found out that I might not have a unit to go to… Great. “Sorry, I think you might be a little too old for me”, “wow, really? How old are you?” “32.” “I’m 32 too.”

“Oh”… Yup, just had this conversation. She must’ve had a rough paper route, definitely doesn’t look like she’s in her 30’s. Just arrived at work, over an hour early… I feel like this happens way more often than it should. I wonder when the trolls are going to make their way over to my blog.

I mean, I’ve gotten a ton of spam, no trolls yet though. I wonder if Verizon will let me change my phone number to 867-5309. We’ve been talking for less than a week and she already wants to meet? “Unbeknownst”, I had forgotten all about that word. I’m gonna throw it into a blog post. If you don’t use it you lose it!

How do I say “I prefer to talk for more than just a couple of days before possibly wasting my time/money on a date” without sounding mean? What is it with online dating!? I really wish that I had my dads eggnog recipe… I need to find a good one. We are about to enter a time where “the 20’s” is going to mean something completely different. Actually, all of “the <insert time period>’s will have a whole new meaning.

I’m not gonna lie, I get pretty disappointed when I check my spam box and there’s nothing there. So, um, hypothetically if I had a screenshot of my ex’s tinder conversation that she had with some dude while we were dating… And none of her friends read my blog… And I didn’t attach her name to it… Would it be ok for me to post in my blog?… Would it be ok to go on my Instagram?

I really hate this thing where Google photos randomly shows you old pictures and asks if you want to archive them. What does that even mean? I’m pretty sure that I’ve been ghosted… I hate dating… But, that’s less money that I have to spend. In other news, I’m currently sitting in my work car, in a church parking lot, swiping through tinder.

I’m really not sure if this is going to help or hurt my cause. Working Christmas day and what do I find? A random pair of shoes in the middle of a parking lot. I wish I knew the backstory, maybe I’ll make one up. How could someone be in THAT big of a rush? So, I’ve finally figured out exactly what my issue with Al is.

I can’t forgive her. I’ve tried. At one point I even thought that I had succeeded. I can’t, I wish I could, I really do, but I just can’t. I literally begged her. I all but got down on my hands and knees and cried while pleading with her. I understand that feelings in relationships change, it happens.

All I asked (begged for) was that if she ever (today, tomorrow, next week, next year, twenty years from now, whenever) felt that she wanted to explore her options and pursue something with someone outside of our relationship that she did so by breaking up with me before cheating on me, again. I. BEGGED. Her. Whatever happened to Tom Green?

~
Until next time, when saying “spend a day in my shoes” make sure that you have an extra pair.

P.S. I was not lying about those shoes.