~The Genius

I’ve decided to do something a little different and just repost the original for flashback Friday instead of making a second post. If nothing else, this will at least give me more of a push to do some final/additional revisions and edits as I post them. I’m still learning and seeing what works here, give me a break…. And enjoy your latest edition of Flashback Friday!

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So, let me tell you about my son. He is a genius, and I don’t say that to be cocky or anything, I truly believe it. But, if you know anything about geniuses, you’ll know that they do some pretty stupid things on occasion. Take this light bulb here. Two-Hundred and sixty something years ago Benjamin Franklin trapped lightning in a jar, which later lead Thomas Edison to the invention of the first light bulb… Genius… Benjamin Franklin accomplished this feat by stringing a key on a silk ribbon to a kite and flying it in a thunderstorm HOPING that it would get struck by lightning… Stupid. So with that being said, Let me tell you a story about my little Genius.

I remember seeing the full range of his genius when we went to Dave & Buster’s a couple of years ago. It was our first time going, well, his first time going. I had been before, but not since I was a teenager. Well anyway, we make our way to the game room, and there’s a bar. What a cool (but weird) idea to put a dry bar in the middle of an arcade, the kids must love this. I propped my son up on a bar stool and sat down beside him. He tells me that bars are for adults, and I go through this long winded explanation about how sometimes we make adult-like things for kids and blah blah blah… The bartender stood there, listened to my explanation, waited for me to finish, and then told me that it was a real bar and that my son couldn’t sit here. Yup, my son called that one. So we moved, ate, and played games for a while. Then, my son had to go to the bathroom. Now, here is where the story gets interesting.

Let me preface this by saying that every male bathroom with more than one urinal that I can think of right now places the kids urinal closer to the ground and closest to the door. We go to the bathroom, I automatically go three or four urinals down and start doing the do. My son starts pacing, almost in a panic, looking for the non-existent child urinal that I somehow missed. We both come to the realization that there in fact is not a child urinal at the big-kid-arcade at the same time. I told him that there were toilets behind him but he was already in the zone, and like I said, my son is a genius.

He strolled up next to me, stood on the tips of his toes, and proudly laid his boy bits across the bottom lip of the urinal with the same conviction that you have as you lay your +25% tip on the table as you exit a restaurant after eating a great meal and receiving even better service. Let me say that again, he placed his business on the bottom lip of the pee-bucket… He intentionally made contact with the splatter guard… With his manhood, er, boyhood*.

I’m not going to lie, for a split second, castration came to mind. Only a true genius could do something this bad. I came to my wits, pinched it off and grabbed my son. I rushed him over to the toilet and held him high in the air above it as he and I crossed streams. It was more of an overlap than a crossing of streams which as you can imagine ended up with me having a nice father-son pee mix sprinkle the shins on my jeans. Afterwards, I sat him down on/in the sink where I proceeded to frantically wash his boy bits with hand soap. The entire time I could hear Ruxin from The League in my head saying “forever unclean“. Thank God that no one walked in during this time!

So, I cleaned us up, and ended up having a father-son talk about what to do with it and where it goes. The we left, pants still soaked, I dropped him off at his mother’s house and had to explain our experience to her. Just another glorious day with my beautifully gifted son, The Genius.

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Until next time, guys, be careful where you put your things.

P.S. We may or may not be the reason that D&B went from paper to electronic tickets… Just saying.