That, ladies and gentlemen, was going to be my Pornstar name… I know what you’re thinking, why would he need a to come up with a porn star name? And why would he do something as stupid as putting “long” in his name? Well for one, I almost did porn, and two, I don’t need to explain myself to you (Obviously compensating)!
So I recently came across a post where a blogger (who you should follow and support) stated that she was thinking about pursuing a career in adult entertainment. Reading this post brought me back to a time when I considered going into the industry. And as I was recounting the story I realized that I had actually almost did it not once but twice.
The first time…
My friend Mez and I randomly went to his uncle’s house. I think we were just bored and his uncle just happened to call him that day, he needed a ride, so I took him. I cannot even begin to explain to you how amazed I was at his uncle’s house, or should I say mansion. You ever been in one? It’s crazy. He was giving me the tour, and I had to ask what he did for a living… He owned some construction company, and produced porn on the side… Say what?
He raddled off a list of stars that he had worked with before, none of which I knew at the time, and then said that a couple of them were coming over tonight to get ready for a shoot later this weekend. Intrigued, I asked what the process was for getting into the industry. He went down this long and discouraging list of prerequisites and then said “or, you could just befriend someone in the biz”. He made a phone call and asked some girl if she would be willing to shoot a scene with the new guy (me), and then turned to me and said “I can give you an audition tonight”. I spent the next 15 minutes coming up with my Pornstar name, because you know, first introductions and all that.
Mez’s uncle asked me for my size, I told him, and then he told me that he had to see what I was working with. I responded by saying that once the ladies got here I really wouldn’t care who saw what. But he wanted to see it now, not “now”, but like “right now”. Over the course of the next hour he asked (and later begged… Literally) to see it at least 50 times. He got a little handsy, grabbing my business, and twice he even tried to pull my pants down.
His second attempt was when I decided to leave. I drove past a huge blacked out SUV-limousine that crept its way down the street and into his driveway. I hit a light and could see some ladies get out and make their way to his door… When I turned the corner women were still pouring out of the limo.
The second time…
Not nearly as intense as the first. I was in California (I HATE Cali) my buddy knew a guy who was holding auditions at his house. So the gang and I went out, had dinner, some drinks, and randomly decided to drive almost an hour away to go to some bar. The bar was dead, but we stayed and got drunk anyway. Then somehow we ended up jumping into a fountain (every one of us forgot to take our cell phones out of our pockets first), and arrived back at the porn house 3 hours late, for the audition that never ended up happening. There is a little more to this story… But as I am currently (conveniently) hitting my word count limit and since it’s another one of those nights I can’t remember, I’m going to go ahead and leave it at that. Cliffhanger, I know.
Until next time, let your freak flag fly.
P.S. What!? Like you don’t own a pair of sexy underwear!? Ok, they may not be the sexiest (well, not sexy at all… Don’t you judge me), but it’s all I’ve got, deal with it.